“I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year.
And I believe that in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we'll all be okay.
I believe a lot of things.
I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me, then the calories don't count.
I believe in love at first sight.
I believe in faith.
I believe that beauty doesn't define us.
Everything happens for a reason.
And I believe that everyone has the ability to change the world.
I believe we survive.
And I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive.” - Grey's
This year was pretty nuts. It has been for sure full of 100% highs, and 100% lows. Just when I thought all the life changes and all the transitioning was almost done, life smacks me in the face with a bunch of new ones. It took me a while to realize that they’re not all bad of course, just new.
Although, I still believe the same things that I always have. That part of me has not changed at all. I actually took this paragraph out of my yearly review from last year because I still feel the exact same way. I’m still me. I have always said that I live in the moment and don’t have regrets. I still believe that regret is an entirely huge waste of energy. Regret is only good for wallowing in. If you’re not willing to live with the end result possibly not being what you want it to be, then you probably shouldn’t be taking that risk. But then again, I’ve always been a huge fan of spontaneous plans and decisions. If you want something bad enough, no end result can be worse than not having risked or attempted it to begin with.
The littlest things make me laugh.
I'm not hard to please.
I'm a free-spirit.
I hate making decisions.
I'm strong and determined.
I love just being me.
I'm a girl. And that's all I wanna be.
I decided that instead of writing an entire year review this year, it would be much better to sum everything up with a few quotes and some lyrics of things that I have learned and that I feel cover everything quite nicely. Those of you who survived the roller coaster that is this past year with me, know all there is to know. There is just way too much that occurred this year to write it all down. If I did, you’d all be reading this up until 2012. I decided that it would be better to address each of you who were part of my year with a few quotes and little message to each of you instead.
Sometimes we put up walls;
not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough to break them down.
“Do you wanna run away together?
I would say it was your best line ever.
Too bad I fell for it.
And I walked alone,
waiting for you to come along.
Take my tortured heart by the hand,
and write me off.
You forced me to become strong.” - The Wreckers
“I’d die for you one time, but never again.” – Brand New
“These things are what I want forever; when nothing else really matters.”
"Just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit." -Chuck Palahniuk
Keep it up; like you even know how to stop.
Call me up if you think that you’ve had enough.
I’ll show you two ways to bleed,
if you just show me teeth under those famous lips of yours. -Four Year Strong
"Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego."
"There are
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley
"I have this fear that one day you'll finally get a good look at me and I'm going to disappoint you,
'Cause you'll see that I'm not as strong or as good as you think I am.
And I'm afraid that it will change the way you think about me." -Smallville
“You must not let yourself become too respectable.
Keep yourself a little wild.
What is life for, if not for the living of it?”
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness; that is a friend who cares.”
Sarah – What a crazy year it was for us. You’re always there when I need you. And I’m always gonna be there for you. That’s just how it’s been and how it’s gonna be for the rest of our lives. You are my sister as far as I’m concerned, and my best friend. I love you. I love you. I love you. I don’t know what I would do without you. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do when the day comes that we no longer live two doors down from each other. <3
Steve – As much as you really just piss me off sometimes, I don’t know where I’d be without you. Sometimes I hate what you have to say, but then there are times where I’m positive that you know me better than I know myself. I know we’ll be friends forever. I’ve said this before; you deserve the world Steve.
Steph Brown – You’ve always been there to make me see the light. You are always so honest with me and you always have just the right thing to say when I’m freaking out. We have had so much fun over the years. I’m not sure what I would do without you. Love you.
The guys – Dan, Daryl, Luke, Ryan, Brian, Kyle, Bish – You guys will always be my guys. Even if you do constantly make fun of me and embarrass me at every chance you get, insult me, gang up on me in games like never have I ever, and do things like push me to the ground just so you can punch me in the leg and give me a Charlie horse, lmao. I sadly still love you guys and wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s gotta be something wrong with me. Haha. ;)
Jenny Ellis - Another crazy year Jenny. I don’t even know where to start with us anymore. You’re the best. I know I always have you in my corner. Let’s see what kind of trouble we can get into this year. I do know one thing, we’re gonna rock CMW this year more than any other. I love you with my life my dear!
J.Dunn and Lindsay - I haven’t seen either of you as much as I would’ve liked this year. This needs to change a-sap. I need my plugs back! A fab four night is in serious order soon. Miss you two so so much. <3
My Silvercity Boys – Patrick, Cole, Mike, Dixon, Steve P. – It’s been an amazing/rocky road. I love you guys. You all know that. I cherish all of our memories, because we really do have some fantastic ones. I’m glad that we were able to create some good ones this summer in Grand Bend as well! What a fun time! Thanks for coming to cook dinner Patrick, lmao. ;) But seriously, thank you guys for everything. I miss you all. <3
Dixon – You’re officially my road trip buddy! I’m so glad that I got to do your first tequila shot with you on your birthday! Thank you for being such a good friend. You have always been there when I needed an ear to listen. You are such a great person and always know how to put a smile on my face.
Matt Richardson – You have been way more supportive of me than I could’ve ever asked or imagined. I’m glad that we were able to stay friends and keep in touch. You truly are such an amazing person. The way you make sense of things and the eloquent way you put your thoughts together just amazes me. I thank you for everything, so sincerely. You have no idea how much you putting up with my craziness has meant to me.
Allan - If nothing else, thank you for all the great memories.
Mattio – You know better than anyone how crazy the two of us are, hahaha. As much as you make fun of me about pretty much everything.. you’re such a great friend. My little problem solver. We need to make time for more of our life talks up in your attic. Whiskey sours at BP is definitely in order soon. :)
Caitlin – You were there when shit hit the fan. And for that, I am so thankful. I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you there to sit with me on that bench and wait, haha. So thank you ever so much.
Becky – I love our occasional late night in depth thought provoking talks. Thank you for being there to lend an ear. Thank you for your honesty. I’m so happy to be the one who started you on your One Tree Hill kick. Just “don’t judge me” okay boozey? ;) ahaha. I cherish our drunken nights that you’ll never remember and that I’ll never forget. ;) You’re the best.
Gregory – My oldest friend. So many memories, I wouldn’t even know where to begin to list them. You’ll always be my family. I’m glad we’ve stayed as close as we have. Love you long time. <3
Tarah - I miss you. Plain and simple. Get your ass back to Ontario for good my dear!
Katherine S. - It’s still crazy to me that we went to Humber and then both ended up at Fanshawe and to top it all off, on the same street! I always loved about us the fact that we don’t have to see each other all the time and then we can just pick up right where we left off. Thanks for all the lengthy BBM chats, haha. They really did mean a lot. I had a ton of fun with you in Grand Bend this summer too! What a coincidence that we were both there? So many funny times. Thanks a bunch you “wasteman”. ;)
Melissa Gunn - Between drunken ti-cat games and drunken Hess nights and Doogie’s nights, I had so much fun with you this summer. Whether you realize it or not, you made me realize a couple things about myself and what I deserve and what I want. There is no one else I would rather get stuck in a ditch in my van in a scary forest with, bahahah. Too much fun girlie! Doogie’s soon? I think so!
Ashley – You have no idea how much you mean to me. You are by far one of the best people I know. I know that I can always be honest with you about absolutely everything. I had so much fun in Darien Lake with you in the summer too! You have been such a rock for me. You have no idea. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. Seriously. You saved my sanity more times than should have been necessary. I will never forget everything. <3
Steph Hoy – “When words can't come to my mouth and my body feels weak, I turn to my better half. She says the things I can’t and does the things I’m not strong enough to do. And for that my life will always be complete.” We seriously need to start having more phone dates. You really are the best. I miss you. <3
Bryan – My little brother who somehow at some point got bigger than me. I’m so lucky to have a brother and a friend as funny, as great and as fun as you. We Beerbaums certainly know how to throw a party, haha. I even love all those idiotic friends of yours that seem to live at our house. ;) I’m glad that we are friends and not just siblings.
Mommy – My best friend. Any strength I have, comes from her. She has always been the coolest and most amazing mom there is. I am nothing without her.
Ally - What would I do without you my dear? We went through a lot together this year. You’re kind of the best. I don’t know what I would do without all of our talks. “You give love a bad name”. We sure know how to argue sometimes, but you know I’m still “in love with you”. Haha. Seriously though, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you for putting up with me and my ridiculous thoughts and ideas. Ps. We should probably get stupid drunk again soon so I can call you a bitch and you can drive away in a cab while giving me the finger. No one gets me like you do. We are who we are. ;)
Jeff – When I was in desperate need of a breath of fresh air, there you were. It has all kinda spiraled into this really great thing quite quickly and that makes me so happy. It amazes me how you can meet someone in passing one day like we did back in August and not realize who you are in fact meeting. But then all it took was one conversation at the show at Elite that night, and I knew this was something. I believe in love at first sight, or maybe not necessarily love, but that feeling that you get when you know something is right, right away. And that’s the feeling I had that night. The coolest part about it I think is that neither of us were looking for a relationship. They say it happens when you least expect it, and that is for sure the case in our situation. I know I’m a bit of an onion, which is ironic because I hate onions. But you just have to keep peeling those layers. I know that some of those layers can maybe be a bit overwhelming.. but just keep peeling. You have been so amazing to me. You treat me like a princess. Through Reason shows, many nights of bowling, Thanksgiving dinner where you decided you’d rather date my dad than me, Becky and Josh’s wedding, getting to know your adorable family, trips to the hospital where I get to walk you into walls and push you around in a wheelchair, Christmas dinners and so many other parties and fun times, I’ve been having so much fun with you.. and I’ve fallen in love with you. I know I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but I really just hope you’re up for the challenge. I’m so happy that we crossed paths when we did. I’m so happy to have you. I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for us. I love you. <3
-----
“You think I’m pretty without any make-up on.
You think I’m funny when I tell the punch line wrong.
I know you get me, so I let my walls come down.
Before you met me, I was alright,
But things were kinda heavy.
You brought me to life.
Now every February, you’ll be my valentine.
Let’s go all the way tonight.
No regrets, just love.
We can dance until we die.
You and I will be young forever.”
-----
"I want someone who won't care that I'm incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning and I refuse to always be ladylike. I want someone who realizes that half the decisions I make are usually ones I over-analyze, but never regret. And I have the right to overreact at any given moment. I want someone who knows how completely insane I am, and wouldn't want me any other way."
“I guess, if anything, it's about taking chances; even when you think you're all out of chances. It's about giving forgiveness and unconditional love, even when it seems like you should only do the opposite. It's about trusting that God puts people in your life at certain moments so that you can capitalize on the opportunity. It's all about the possibility. It's all about what you do with those possibilities. Life is short, but it moves so fast. Hang on and enjoy the ride. And when someone comes along with whom you enjoy spending the ride with, hold on tight.”
I have so many amazing people in my life that I care about so so much. I wouldn’t be who I am without every single one of you. Thank you for being part of my year 2010. I feel so lucky to have all of you.
"I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you
I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend
That everything makes sense
But does it really matter now
If I do not know how
To figure this thing out
I am falling into graceTo the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you"
This has become my quote to live by:
"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."
I can’t wait to see what 2011 has to bring.
♥
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